Nicole vs. Life
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
