you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
