Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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