I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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