I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
