Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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