I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
