omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize