No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
