hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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