You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
