kristin has been a bad kristin
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
