i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
