There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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