If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
