shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My penis needs a shock collar
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
