I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.