i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.