i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW