My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵