I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.