How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
