If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize