garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
