Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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