we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
