i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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