he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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