I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
