He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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