i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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