these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
