Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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