She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
