You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
