yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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