So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
