He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
