tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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