it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
