i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
