oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
