That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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