I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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