I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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