To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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