i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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