can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Vodka?
Forever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
