It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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