can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
