My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
