Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
