I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
