Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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