were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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