She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
