that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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