Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
