walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
